When Tears Wouldn’t Come

November 20, 2014


What a difference a day makes.

I had actually written something on Monday…it was honest, meaningful, basically more of my struggle to be a more G-dly person.

But then came Terror Tuesday.

What on earth is there to say after seeing a picture of a Jewish man lying dead on the floor of a Jerusalem synagogue, covered in his blood-soaked prayer shawl, his tefillin still strapped to his arm?

I studied the picture, even zoomed in closer. Pools of blood everywhere, splattered all over the books that these four holy martyrs learned and tried to live by. The books in which G-d Himself is invested. The books that don’t quite speak to me because they were hidden from me when I was a child.

I wanted to cry. To sob. But the tears wouldn’t come.

I consoled myself that I would be just be crying for myself, and there is no time for that. Not in the face of war.

I imagine how G-d is crying. He’s cried before, many times, millions of times, I know, but these men were murdered while they were talking to Him! 

Mid-sentence, a butchered body separates from a perfectly pristine soul.

I have stopped several times in these last few days, just to ask to G-d to protect Jews everywhere from those who would harm them, and that Prime Minister Netanyahu be strong enough to act on what his soul knows unequivocally: that the land of Israel belongs to the Jews because G-d gave it to them.

I am praying with extra kavannah, awareness and intent, because the Jewish nation, indeed the whole world, needs His help as never before. I am praying that I, too, be unafraid to say the Truth in a way that it can be heard.

So, I’ll say it just this once here. For the record.

Rashi, Torah’s foremost commentator, begins his commentary with a discussion of why the Torah begins with the narrative of Creation. He writes:

…if the nations of the world will say to the Jewish people, “You are robbers, for you seized the land of the seven nations [of Canaan],” Israel will reply: “The whole earth belongs to the G-d. He created it and granted it to whomever He deemed fit in His eyes! It was His will that they should have it; and by His will, He took it from them and gave it to us!”

Also, in the book of Bereishis, (15:18), G-d tells Abraham, “I have given this land to your descendants.”

Pretty straightforward, no?

But to say the Truth, we have to see the Truth, that G-d, Torah and the Jewish people are all One.

May G-d help us all to do that, now.

(Whew! I said it.)





  1. Reply

    Shulamis Rothman

    Thank you, Lieba! Well said, and yasher koach for being brave enough to say it!

    1. Reply

      Lieba Rudolph

      Thank you, Shulamis!

  2. Reply


    lieba, Your words drew a vivid picture of our history juxtaposed with our modernity—and our loss.
    Jews dying for their belief is a fact of our heritage , but jews living in a world in which their belief could thrive (contemporary society)— What a miracle!!!
    Yet, most of us never recognized or understood it, and once again jews are murdered because they are jews. We had such an opportunity to freely and proudly live a Jewish life, yet the majority of us were clueless. Fear, denial, desire to be the same as the majority, misplaced good intentions — there are a myriad of reasons for our inability to appreciate what we might have been able to create. Tragically, that moment in time is gone—-however, our touchstone is eternally present, and our TRUTH will one day be recognized and celebrated by us all—one PEOPLE, one heart—in our LAND—and our conversations with G-D will be so different.

    1. Reply

      Lieba Rudolph

      We are sheep among wolves. This is a Biblical Truth we have seen throughout the generations in one manifestation or another. But we have a Shepherd and that makes all the difference!

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